10 Rules to Learn How to Love Yourself
Dear Beautiful Soul,
If you’re here, I know you want to live life as enjoyably as possible. You’ve recognized self-love as a way to do that.
You’re in the right place.
Self-love is more than small breaks of rest, enjoyment in the little things, or treating yourself. It is the lens through which you see yourself & the world.
It’s knowing that you were actually always enough. It’s embracing your authenticity. It’s supporting your own growth while giving yourself the grace to be human. It’s attracting what’s truly meant for you.
And it’s a path that reshapes the rest of your life.
If you truly follow these rules as best you can, you’ll watch your world transform from the inside out.
Know that you’ve always been worthy, capable & lovable.
Rules for Self-Love
Accept yourself. All of it.
If you can’t be ok with who you are as a whole, you’ll continuously reject yourself instead. This attracts people & situations that affirm the belief that you’re unacceptable, unworthy, unlovable.
It makes it much harder to love yourself when you struggle to like yourself.
We’re all messy. Think of someone you care deeply about. What are their best qualities?
Now think about their worst qualities. Does it make you care any less for them? Probably not, right? Because you accept them anyway.
Give yourself the same grace. You have amazing qualities. You also have areas for improvement. Instead of trying to shove your “cringy” parts into a locked safe in the basement, try to acknowledge & sit with them. Even be OK with them.
Do this, and you’re off to a good start.
2. Get self-aware.
Self-awareness is the foundation of understanding yourself & how you can grow.
It will also help with self-acceptance. How will you accept yourself while blindly labeling yourself with negative words like bad, annoying, embarrassing, etc?
When it comes to the things you may dislike about yourself, where did that attitude originate?
Also think about the way you react to things. Do you tend to get angry, people-please, run away from problems...? Who did you observe behaving the same way growing up?
When you can find where your habits came from, it becomes easier to question them & form new patterns of thinking & behaving.
3. Heal your past to create a new future.
Past traumatic experiences - whether momentary or ongoing - shape how we interact with ourselves & the world.
Some things we avoid thinking about altogether. However, doing so will keep you stuck in whatever negative cycle that trauma set in motion.
For example: if a caregiver never took you seriously growing up, you’ll likely attract people who do the same thing because you’re still seeking that validation.
By working through previous trauma, you can let go of that weight & make room for new types of people & experiences.
4. Forgive others.
This one can feel extra tricky, icky, or even impossible.
People often mistake forgiving someone who hurt them as excusing their behavior or saying that it’s “OK.”
Forgiveness is not about that. It’s not even about getting closure from the other person. In fact, forgiveness may be the closure you must give yourself.
Part of your healing journey, to forgive is to let go. It is to no longer let that person or event define you. It is to accept that which we cannot change.
In that acceptance, we find peace.
5. Stay present.
Practicing mindfulness is, quite frankly, life changing.
Most people are stuck in the past, worrying about the future, or spending their time between the two.
Is it ok to reminisce on a memory, or plan for the future? Of course! But you must take care to not be a slave to those thoughts.
If you suffer from depression or anxiety, staying present will make a big impact on your mental & emotional wellbeing.
6. Connect to what brings you joy.
Self-love isn’t all dealing with emotional baggage. Do you know yourself & what makes you happy? Do you regularly do things you really enjoy?
If you don’t know, give it some thought. What activities are the most fun, that make time go by quickly?
Things you enjoyed as a kid are a good place to start. But don’t stop there, try new things. You may be surprised at what you take interest in now that you didn’t before.
7. Throw out self-criticism.
We have thousands upon thousands of thoughts a day. Since we’re creatures of habit, most of those thoughts are repetitive.
When it comes to thinking about yourself, what words or phrases would make it into the top 50?
These are the thoughts shaping your attitude & life. Be mindful of your inner dialogue. Give yourself encouragement & positivity. Don’t be your own bully!
8. Practice regular self-care.
Although the phrase “treat yourself” may come to mind, it’s actually more about making choices that are good for you over what just feels good.
Self-care is all about finding balance in life to stay emotionally regulated.
It’s things like getting enough sunlight, enough social connection, enough physical movement, enough water (put that third coffee down).
Don’t try to cut out indulgences entirely. Maybe pick just one night a week to binge your shows.
9. Respect your worth.
You’re worth a lot. You deserve kindness, respect, consideration, affection.
The people in your life should reflect this. Because they reflect back how you feel about yourself.
Give yourself the treatment you want from others to attract what is meant for you. Not only people, but situations, events, or opportunities.
You may be surprised by what stays & what goes.
10. Get out of your comfort zone.
Way easier said than done. It’s a comfort zone for a reason.
But part of practicing self-love is growing. It’s what you get with all those ingredients like healing, forgiveness, self-awareness, & positive self-talk.
Chronic people pleaser? Try saying no more often. Always eat out? See if there’s a simple recipe of your favorite meal to try making.
The more you do what feels difficult, the more confidence you’ll gain & the easier those things will feel.
Bonus 11. Be compassionate with yourself.
This one may feel overstated, but it’s honestly one of the most important.
Loving yourself is a practice. Not everything will go right all the time. That’s OK!
Self-love doesn’t make problems go away. It equips us to be able to handle them much better.
When you feel frustrated with yourself, address yourself like you would a close friend. Would a close friend call you names, make you feel stupid, or repeat your mistake back to you numerous times to make you relive the experience?
I really hope not.
Everyone is doing their best with their personal experience & level of consciousness. You are no better or worse than anyone else.
Kinda takes the pressure off, right?
There’s nothing to prove. Doing your best was always enough.
You’ll Learn How to Love Yourself
There’s no need to overwhelm yourself by tackling all these guidelines at once. You could focus on one a week, or even a few weeks.
Integrating knowledge as action can take time - especially if it makes you uncomfortable!
If you think you can’t, kindly refer back to rule number seven. 😉
I know you’ve got this. It’s nothing new - you were born for it.
Now go and treat yourself the way you always deserved.